If your Facebook feed is anything like mine you probably see a fair amount of memes and quotes. Rumi and Osho. Oprah and Maya. Words of wisdom with strong messages about good intentions. They’re usually accompanied by numerous comments like ‘Preach’ and ‘Truth’ and lots and lots of likes.
Because if we press ‘like’ on what the Dalai Lama said then we’ve done our good deed for the day, right? We’ve spread peace and positivity.
But, what is the value of pressing ‘like’? What does it actually translate to, if we don’t back it up with real life action?
I had a swift reminder of this recently when launching a new venture. I got lots of ‘likes’. I got lots of ‘good lucks’. I got quite a few ‘I’m proud of you’s’.
And then the same people went back to their lives and their quotes and their Netflix and their happy hours and their ‘preaching’ and their ‘truthing’.
It stung. It stung because I felt unsupported. Unsupported. Not unliked. And then I started to try and understand why I felt that way. Why I felt upset and frustrated and a lack of real support.
Being brutally honest, I felt a sense of unjust behaviour. I felt upset that the very same people that I had devoted time and energy to when they’d asked for it, were now not willing to return the sentiment.
Maybe I was feeling a bit ‘poor me’, I don’t know. I do my best to be objective but, hey, I’m human, too.
After I’d had some tears and let myself get a little lost in some wine and chocolate, I picked myself up and decided it was time to move on and look for the lesson.
One of my favoured phrases is asking ‘What is this doing for me?’ as opposed to ‘Why is this happening to me?’
Was I wrong to have an expectation of support based on support I had given others? Maybe. Was I giving to get back? No. But I was feeling a very definite sense of having been taken for granted.
It feels good to say yes. It feels good to be able to help people. It’s nice to be able to make a difference.
But sometimes, honestly, you just gotta say no. Because quite often we find that saying no to others means saying yes to ourselves and that’s no bad thing.
Saying yes to others isn’t ok when it’s at the expense of our own well-being. Saying yes to others isn’t ok if it doesn’t ever get reciprocated.
We are taught to believe that putting ourselves first is selfish. Is it? Perhaps it’s actually more of a form of self preservation. Maybe it’s just another way of making sure that we’re not left feeling depleted.
The lesson for me was the reminder that it’s important to choose our personal friendships and connections with care. The lesson for me was that maybe I don’t have to feel obliged to respond to every message I get. The lesson for me was not to give repeatedly to people if it feels very much like a one way street.
Will I stop loving and caring and giving? No. Will I choose who I invest in with more care? Yes. Absolutely. Without bitterness, without recrimination but also without beating myself up about it. Because I am worthy of my own love and compassion and support, just as much as anyone else is. We all are.
I’m a big believer in empowerment. If I had to sum up what I stand for then that’s the word I would use. I do my best to help others feel good in their own skin, to help them get empowered. I do my best to practice what I post.
We all have the ability to do more than press ‘like’. We all have the power to show our support.
I do, and you do, too.
Skylar Liberty Rose is a writer, blogger and creator of the Fierce Female Mantras and #15SecondMantra Series. Her articles and poetry have received wide acclaim and have been instrumental in her continuing journey to self acceptance. She believes in creativity as a form of healing and is passionate about manifesting her dreams. Skylar is an advocate of stripping away layers of conditioning and instead discovering the unique truth within. She is inspired by souls with spirit and courageous hearts. She grew up in London and now lives in New York City with her husband. You can follow her on Twitter, FB, IG and her blog.
If you’d like a shot of fierce in your life or you know a sister that does, take a look at Skylar’s unique range of Fierce Female merchandise here. Get your roar on!
Image courtesy of SEO.